Me, Patchy and Brandi on the way to some new exciting destination.

I am Bertram, a short-necked Taiwanese Giraffe. I came to England in September 2012 disguised in a blister pack as a computer screen wiper. I have never wiped a screen in my life and do not intend ever to do so. It was just a ploy to emigrate to the UK.

My mate is Brandi, a short-necked Chinese Giraffe. I saw her at some site called Amazon and contacted her when she was in Scotland and asked her to join me in Worksop as I only had human company (and a few other non-giraffe friends that we will meet later) and I was looking for a more intelligent partner.

Giraffes are so much more intelligent than humans that I spend my time studying the humans and trying to advise them on better behaviour.

Here is an example of human ‘intelligence’ that I encountered recently. Any giraffe would have plugged the cable into the USB charge sockets, but no, not the human.

Brandi thinks that I am sometimes too blunt, but I have found that you have to be direct with humans or they don’t listen.

My website will let you know about the things that I do and the places that I have visited. I will be able to use my giraffe wisdom to give my thoughts and advice to benefit the human experience. I visit places with my human ‘staff’ who attend to all my needs.

My friend Patchy is an adorable little bear and he has been giving his observations for longer than I have. You can find his site at: http://PatchysAdventures.co.uk